Depression – Welcome to Fight Club: how I cope naturally

Welcome to Fight Club. The first rule is... there are no rules! (I LOVE that film. And if there is such a place, please let me in on the secret.)

Not alone in this club

I kind of don't want to write this, because these days I feel I'm always full of the doom of my struggles just to survive. But I've never been one to dress it up, so why start now? Besides, I know I'm not alone. Enough of you tell me you're up to your eyeballs too.

So sit back and listen to my mess instead, and who knows, by the end you may feel better about yours, and pick up some ways to cope with depression.

Socially acceptable depression

Apparently I'm flying this low to the ground because I'm still officially grieving, which I'm not denying. There's some relief in that: it makes it more socially acceptable, more palatable. Naked, unexplained depression really frightens people.

Depression's familiarity

This is a familiar space for me. It feels like I've once again put on an uncomfortable hair coat that smells of wet dog, my worst nightmare! It's not so much an oily snake these days, like it was in the depths of my menopause. Perhaps a sign of progress? Or maybe I'm just channelling Winston Churchill?!

Easier to hide away

It's far easier to hide away socially when you're depressed, because it's so hard to keep relaying these low emotions. Especially when they come from far too many places and it takes so long to trot them all out.

Close friends and family tend to know what's ailing you. Nothing's changed; it just takes a really long time to get off your back and upright again. Sounding like a broken record feels like more belly-ache, so silence feels safer. And it's always easier to confess a physical ailment than a mental one; people find it easier to acknowledge.

I don't want your pity

Empathy yes, sympathy no! When you're in this puddle you don't want anyone joining you; that's responsibility you haven't asked for. You just don't have the capacity for anything extra.

Trapped in your own mind

Depression traps you in your own mind, which for most of us is pure torture. It's why I've invested in all kinds of therapy. Therapy makes it a thousand times more bearable, and you get to light up the end of your own tunnel. For long-term change you do need to rescue yourself, but it's so much easier with someone there to support you.

Menopause anxiety

I didn't expect menopause to bring a large portion of anxiety. I've never really suffered from anxiety; anger yes, panic no. Now I own an entire wardrobe of anxieties. My mind gets blown over the smallest fret, and I feel like a misfiring C-3PO/Stepford Wife hybrid.

Depression is self-perpetuating

I do wonder if it's because I'm flying so low, with barely any fuel to clear obstacles, that everything looks like a vertical mountain. A self-perpetuating cycle! Mind feeds body and soul and vice versa; it's more chicken and egg than most of us realise.

Emergency room thinking

One of my therapists compared my thought process to a hospital emergency department rather than a Buddhist temple! It burns a ridiculous amount of my diminished fuel, and it means I sometimes live in "over-reaction ville".

This twisted thought processing is a gift from my childhood. Less zen and more round the bend! It makes me think of the Numbskulls in the Beano. And why does my ailing memory never fail with any of the traumatic stuff?

Dressing my way out of depression

I counter my menopausal ageing by brightening up my wardrobe and regularly shaving an undercut. My hEDS (hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome) means I now have to wear "special" shoes, so I change up some of that misery by wearing funky ones. Of course I'm looking out from the inside, so I don't consider what all this brightness looks like at 8.30am on the school run!

I'm not trying to stand out. My point is to make myself feel better with colour. It's harder when you're depressed, and the looks can be triggering, so I keep really soft, velvety clothes for the worst days. And I have to pull it out of the bag for my kids; they need me to project confidence.

What about antidepressants?

Antidepressants are what your doctor is likely to offer, and for many people they really work. They can be a lifeline, especially if you've become totally gridlocked in depression.

For me personally, they made my already shady memory virtually non-existent: conversations, the shopping list, where I put the keys, people's names. They also gave me a big helping of "who gives a damn". That feels freeing at first, but over time people can end up thinking you don't care, which is the last thing you need.

That's my experience, and everyone's is different. If you're on antidepressants, please don't stop or change them without talking to your GP first. And if you're struggling, your GP is a good first call. If you ever feel you might harm yourself, call Samaritans free on 116 123, any time.

The natural support I use

Alongside proper support, these are the things that help me:

• Essential oils. A quick sniff of the right oils here and there really lifts my mood. I find they support wellbeing on three levels: mental, physical and spiritual.

• Herbal teas. A lovely warm cup of the right herbs is like giving yourself a hug.

• A good diet, with plenty of B vitamins from food, and a good-quality supplement if your diet needs it.

• Therapy, as above. It really is worth it.

Old school writing it down

I've found great wisdom and relief in writing down my thoughts and feelings when I'm low. I came across my old school fountain pen and filled it with orange ink. Who knew you could get rainbow-coloured ink these days? It's much more enjoyable to pour out misery in bright orange. Putting some ceremony around it makes those feelings feel validated and accepted. It's the small things that help.

Final word

I hope you've found some worth and company in my words, and that they make a difference to how you cope. Thank goodness for this blog, and of course my oils! If you happen upon me, just give me a big hug and I'll give you one right back. x

If you'd like natural support alongside your GP, book a Bespoke Wellbeing Consultation and I can recommend oils, herbs and other gentle remedies for you.