In short
Self acceptance matters for mental health because you can't escape yourself: wherever you go, there you are. Claire explains why running away doesn't work, why downtime matters, and how facing yourself leads to true self acceptance.
Wherever you go….There you are!
The escape myth
I wanted to write about this, the subject of ‘escape’, because not only is it’s my current predicament and conversational hot topic but to impart an important piece of wisdom that will dispel an unholy myth that has been in circulation for far too long….I hope! Because accepting yourself has a huge impact on your mental health and is an important part of creating mental wellbeing.
You can’t escape you
The expression, ‘where ever you go, there you are’ was first introduced to me by a wise American friend and means that you can run all you want but you’ll still be you with your own personal baggage stuck on your back, just you in a different location! You just need to accept you, warts and all.
Distance is just pause
Yeah distance is great for giving a little space, a bit like a ‘pause’ button on a remote control, but sooner or later you have to return to reality and deal with the consequences…even if you leave it like 20 years. That’s the rub with self acceptance, you need to face your stuff, and it just hangs around until you do keeping you from mental wellbeing.
Dante’s self-avoidance merry go round
And as I said, it doesn’t quieten the thoughts and emotions, aka the baggage in your backpack, they come with! Yes alcohol and drugs will shut them up for a while, but the payback for that kind of avoidance is a simple multiplication of the unwanted thoughts. They play on like a negative merry-go-round through Dante’s 9 levels of hell, further degrading your mental health and distancing you from achieving mental wellbeing and blocking all self-acceptance.
Can I find mental solace in my roots
In my case when my mental health takes a beating, I yen to relocate my family to Scotland. Ethnically I come from there, I still have family there and I’ve always had a strong yen to live there…in God’s own Country, as my Uncle likes to call it, free from the M25 jailer and Gatwick’s chemtrails.
I like to pretend I have no real affiliation with the South East, despite having lived here on and off for the last 35 years, more immediate family and of course very dear friends. Not very self-accepting is it!
Self acceptance contradiction
I can easily feel set upon and inhibited by the over crowded infrastructure here in the South East, the pace of life on and off screens is ridiculously fraught. However, if my weekend isn’t packed out with social engagements and clubs then I can land up feeling a little unanchored, a little bit dull and boring for not burning the candle at all ends, including the sides! Like I am a passenger in my own life, not engaged in the grid and selfish for not keeping my children occupied… This juxtaposition prevents my self-acceptance and play havoc on my mental health. (Luckily Covid 19 took care of this one for me by stopping all real social engagement)
Material happiness for mental wellbeing fantasy
We can get sucked into feelings of needing to keep up, exacerbated by social media and reinforced by constant barrage of sales and marketing ploys to drive our so-called free market economy. If you buy this rattan garden furniture, you too will have a life worth living?! Yes, you do need 52 pairs of shoes to feel worthy…one for each week of the year! Buy your way to mental wellbeing… But if we’re truly honest with ourselves it just doesn’t does it and its a massive blocker for self acceptance because it’s a distraction!
Unscripted downtime is important for mental health
In reality we generally do sweet FA at the Weekends, or very little because my husband is burnt out from his working week. He doesn’t want to be tied to a timetable of activities, he likes to free wheel it and take hours over breakfast watching music videos on You Tube with the kids in his dressing gown. He feels no pressure to socially perform, he knows what works for his mental wellbeing, he really practices the art of self-acceptance. I think his Aspergers helps though…
True self acceptance
To achieve true mental wellbeing, you need self acceptance, only then can you know how to take care of yourself properly. You do this by stopping and getting to know yourselves, what you like and don’t like. By giving yourself permission not be the same as everyone else, learning to accept your perfect within your imperfection as is every other human being. Anything triggering envy in another is a latent skill within you, your discomfort is from not doing it for yourself. Life is one big journey, self acceptance is a massive part of mental wellbeing that you can’t escape.
Final word
Yes, if only self acceptance was that easy… It can be if you start as a kid, so parent make sure you support your kids with theirs. But for most of us, it’s more likely to be a life times worth of self avoidance trying to conform to social norms. When you are ready to start your self acceptance journey, I can offer natural support in the forms of essential oils, vitamin therapy and herbs. For mind, body and soul are one and need the same efforts for holistic wellbeing.
If you want the benefit my guidance and skills on your self acceptance journey, book yourself a Bespoke Wellbeing Consultation. I look forward to meeting you.x
Frequently asked questions
What does 'wherever you go, there you are' mean?
That you take your thoughts and feelings with you, so a change of place doesn't change what's inside.
Why is self acceptance important for mental health?
Until you face and accept yourself, the same thoughts and patterns keep coming back.
What does envy tell you?
Claire believes envy points to a skill within you that you're not yet using.
Want some support?
Book a free 15-minute consultation and we can talk it through together.